Judging Others

 

The Writing Prompts people don't always get it right,  so I've skip ped a few prompts. I found one to be without merit (What's your favorite girls name?) and another,  quite disturbing (Would finding out you were adopted change you in any way?) Having tried to support a middle aged client through heavy suicidal behaviours after he found our he'd been adopted,  and revealed a mound of shabby treatment by his "mother", I'd just say of course it would.  

Anyway,  a lighter topic,  but no less relevant.  As I enter my 60s, I can look back and recount having been duped,  exploited and even abused by a football team of people over the years.  I think my weakness is not so much being able to judge,  it's embracing that finding and reacting in a way that protects me. 

I recall a small collection of revelations that my wife made early in our relationship,  involving her  mother's affairs and outright predatory sexual behaviours,  during and after the marriage. Mostly,  my ex- wife was turned on such sexcapades, except for the period of separation and property settlement.  She also insisted that separation "wad best for children of the parents were not getting along". 

My wife had been raped as a teen,  around the time of her hitting the nightclubs with her mother.  Now,  what I should have done,  having made the judgement that her attitude to marriage,  sex and parenting,  were seriously flawed,  was spin on my heels and clear out.  But I didn't,  perhaps thinking that my efforts to model supportive relationships,  would make a difference.  Well guess what happened,  30 years later? 

I suspect the Baptist Christian and Roman Catholic Christian influences from my parents and school education,  I am drawn to help people of bad character.  I just wish someone had instructed me in how to manage this without sustaining personal damage. 

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