Solo Ventures

 Today's prompt asks this question.  Mmm,  "nerves"? Google says it's a mix of "anxiety,  dread and excitement". So it may be positive,  but mostly I'd describe it as a negative emotion.   Because,  tell the truth I get excited a lot.  I calm myself from this state by basic measures like breathing,  coffee www drinking and "cognitive therapy", kind of mentally steadying my mind.  What I mostly do is play things down a little; it's ok,  it will be good,  but it will pass.  Or sometimes it'd it's possible I delay or prolong the anticipation period and savior that feeling.  Being older and a bit more cynical,  I know that sometimes the promise of something fantastic doesn't always live up to you're expectations.  So,  excited? Steady the ship.   On the negative side of the ledger, feelings of dread or anxiety,  I would say that I rarely feel that way.  For many years I have loosely...

 Just now, at 5am on a full moon dawn,  when returning to my cot with a coffee, I glance out of the window trying to glimpse the wild man  as he runs naked in the moonlight.   As I study the edges of light  my Adult Self seizes my childlike hope and quenches it with a bucket of cold fear. Reality shuts my Imagination down, replacing it with Fear.  How often,  in our day to day,  does Fear smother our Adventurous Self? Is that Wild Man actually me,  that party of me that seeks a crazy and playful existence? Many years ago I studied readings of a Men's Movement.  Much of it written by athletic and literate older men, sage and gently spoken.  They urged their followers to evolve and embrace the wild-ness, the masculinity in life.  Tanned women joined the fray and ran bare breasted in the moonlight and all the young men followed them instead.  Now we have a generation of pale faced, soft fleshed boys staring blankly into ...

 Today's writing prompt is: "What do you doubt more than anything?" For  context, we've had on recent years, drought, fires and floods to unprecedented levels, that have killed and destroyed peoples' livelihoods. Global science authorities predicting further climate catastrophes unless immediate  action is taken to cut cardon dioxide emissions. Australia is a week out from a federal election and neither of the two leading parties are taking really action.   Often,  politicians are heard saying that "technology" will find a way back to happy days.  They're almost saying "trust us"! I don't,  not a word.  About me,  my fellow humans are buying massive motor vehicles and huge homes and living higher on the hog than ever before. I do not trust that people will make sacrifice for the greater good,  because of the greed I see.  I don't trust people to do the right thing on global warming.  

 Today, i realised that my lack of Commitment to Alternative Living,  had been holding me  back.  Since forever I've assumed that living on the edge of the Mainstream Economy was the way to fly.  And it had bought benefits; being able to live quite well in as lower income. But ad I sit the situation,  late in life it's not enough.  No longer can I kid myself that participating in the Mainstream Economy is a trap in a gamer you never win.   When you're lying under the ground,  you can't take jewellery and cash to help you out.  But,  you need to do one thing well; you need to remain healthy.

Many Australia's are being told they are in the group of an election campaign.  I'm certainly not.  I find it repulsive and ignore,  tune out or goo silent to avoid the noise.  It's not always possible Forethought,  and for the last two days Primeminister Morrison had been criticizing the Opposition Leader Sneezeby (or something), of outright stupidity for proposing a raise to the Minimum Wage in line with Inflation. Apparently,  the Economy will Collapse? Meanwhile the Coal and Gas Mining receives $22 000 a minute in subsidies, politician's  wages are as high as ever and they are jointly resisting calls for a corruption watchdog,  corporations receive handouts and tax cuts to assist through the pandemic,  climate catastrophe out other reason  First Nations People continue to be giving token "help", and the minimal effort to give our most Marginalised Employees,  those is casual,  , dangerous,  boring and exploitative posi...

 Right now I am feeling quite down.  It's not of great concern,  as you may see,  but something I need to acknowledge in writing. One,  from a parent's perspective and the other says something about the benefits off regular exercise,  and fitness.   Some weeks ago my soon to be 21 year old daughter got into a relationship with a fellow based on western NSW. I saw her mood elevate as she spoke on the phone and had a few trips out to spend the weekend.  But,  I smelt a rat right from the start.  When she came from her first visit,  she described how he was committed to his job there for years to come.  Later, various opportunities for him to visit her at home or horse events within an hour of his home,  feel through.  Now alarmingly,  there were excuses; Covid, my bitch had a litter last night. I could see it happening,  Mia was doing all the leg work,  this guy was sitting back enjoying the rewards ...

  The Writing Prompts people don't always get it right,  so I've skip ped a few prompts. I found one to be without merit (What's your favorite girls name?) and another,  quite disturbing (Would finding out you were adopted change you in any way?) Having tried to support a middle aged client through heavy suicidal behaviours after he found our he'd been adopted,  and revealed a mound of shabby treatment by his "mother", I'd just say of course it would.   Anyway,  a lighter topic,  but no less relevant.  As I enter my 60s, I can look back and recount having been duped,  exploited and even abused by a football team of people over the years.  I think my weakness is not so much being able to judge,  it's embracing that finding and reacting in a way that protects me.  I recall a small collection of revelations that my wife made early in our relationship,  involving her  mother's affairs and outright predatory sexual be...

 While studying welfare at college and social work at university I was continually told that men were poor at grieving.  That women were spontaneous and transparent and perhaps suffered fewer lasting effects,  except for those that "failed" to let go and move forward.  One of the treats,  apparently was that years later the grief is relived as hard as it was immediately following the loss   Even then,  it smelled fishy.  I couldn't help but look about and notice that the majority of lecturers,  authors and students,  were women. I felt that they were describing a female reaction to grief.  It fits with the reproductive drive to appear vulnerable and needy,  for one.  I was also conscious that up until this era,  soldiers were men.  Open and spontaneous mourning on the battlefield would weaken your capacity to stay alive,  and your unit's capacity to continue fighting.  It's probably that loss in th...